I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
