Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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