my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
