I'm really into asian looking animals
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
