I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
