My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
