i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
