i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
