Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
