You made me cry and you don't even care
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
