I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
