In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
