I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
