mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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