Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
