he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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