my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
