Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
