dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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