I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
