Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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