You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
