Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
