my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
