I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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