Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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