and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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