I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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