Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
