i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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