I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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