Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
