I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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