i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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