i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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