sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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