we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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