I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
