dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
