Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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