uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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