omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
