TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
