I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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