Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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