Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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