I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize