I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
