New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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