im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
