Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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