I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
