My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
