.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
