it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
