Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
