you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
