You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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