...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
