Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
