69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
