Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
