If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
