What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
