Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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