so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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