he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
