i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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