I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize