Grow some girl-balls and come out already
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
