Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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