I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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