whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
