just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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