i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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