thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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