he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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