you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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