we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
