you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yo dont text me then not text me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
