a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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