i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
