Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
