you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
