He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
