K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
