im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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