I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
