I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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