i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
