plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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