very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
