Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So much rum. So many feels.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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