She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
