Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
