I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
