never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my poor anus
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize