Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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