My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
